Denpasar Moon

Les Contes Des Fées

Of Places, Memories And Musings

Wonder what would have happened if I had never left.

Joye Sanz Fyn

After much drama over me missing my flight and the aggravating altercation with the rude airline staff-- may your Allah punish you well-- I finally managed to rest my feet on this long-forgotten motherland of mine, and sink my teeth into the much-missed gustatory goodness galore.

Really, my family might not have been blessed with the brightest of all minds, the most statuesque of all physiques, or the most bad-ass of all talents, but we know good food and we know how to find it. To actually witness with my own eyes the lengths to which we would go (and had gone), coupled with the timely display of agility of mind, in hunting those obscure havens where they store the country's royal secret to obesity, is really mind-blowing. It is so stupendous, it really borders on predatorial. The only one thing that is greater than these uncanny gustatory instincts is our cumulative waistline. This inane acuity transcends cultural, racial and taxonomical classifications: the only reason good enough--and I am guessing here-- to cage the beasts is the sometimes-unreasonable pricing. Thankfully, having lived in a third world country for almost the entire span of our lifetimes, we are now equipped with the "blink" a la Malcolm Gladwell to sieve through the cornucopia of gustatory teasers, and to winnow out pleasantries from pleasures.

We be going to Bali on Sunday, and oft you hear normal people giving their pedestrian gushing about the Garuda Wisnu Kencana, the sightseeing, the water sports adventures, blah blah blah, but not so much with my folks. All I hear is ribs, pork and seafood treats by the beach-- which is always a reason to smile. Long time ago I was told that "Nothing tastes better than skinny!", but whoever said that obviously never had a foot-long strip of unagi-tempura sushi shoved to his mouth at dinner after having binged on a plate of honey glazed pork ribs for lunch, and of course there were other things too. It's kind of hard to translate this taste-buds titillation into prose, but rest assured the food here is one of those stuff that makes one's mouth water and armpits juicy. Joye sanz fyn.

Gratitude

I can't believe it's here. After so much waiting, anxiety, repression, depression and self-censorship, it is here. There have been times where I wanted to write something on this space, where I thought everything was possible, and I could pen down everything that I wanted. But at some point, it became difficult, very difficult. Each time I wanted to chronicle something, though unrelated to this seed of anxiety, it's like opening a Pandora box. I constantly got reminded for what could have happened, and it was always about the ultimate worst-- imagining how I was going to go about things, to rectify the situation, to cover it up, to quit something which appeared to have lost its luster. It was hard, really hard.

There was a time where I actually thought of living dangerously, that I would do whatever I wanted to do and regret about the repercussions, should they arise, afterward. To regret over something I have done, instead of to regret something I wished I had the balls to do. However, now I see the sweet taste of living a life prudently. It does not necessarily mean that there will be fewer battles to fight, just that one has got to choose their own battles prudently-- select those which are really worth fighting in. The waiting, the anxiety, the repression, the depression and whatnots, they are not worth it. Guess this is what being mature is all about: it is not simply suck it up when shit happens, but it's about laying out expectations, weeding out the ones which are unrealistic, and to fight hard and die hard in meeting those expectations. Being mature is about knowing oneself enough, so that one does not disappoint anybody because having experienced it once is more than what a human soul could endure.

I thank God for letting me off the hook this time. As cliched as it may be, at the toughest times, when comfort food just doesn't do it for me anymore, it was really that blind faith that kept me away from clinical care. Thank you. God is good.

A Letter To God

Dear God

Hello there, Sir. I know it's been a (long) while since I spoke with You. No excuses. I guess I was just too preoccupied with too many things in life, and truth be told, perhaps there was something that made me wanting to do otherwise. Sincerest apologies. Anyway, like many other mortals, I turn to You at tempestuous times, well not really, since now it's more like the lull before the storm. What I am saying is, there have been times where You let things happen which threw me into a state of tumult, no clear solution, just a jumble of question marks and exclamation marks. For most of the times, things resolved themselves rather swimmingly-- something we, mortals, oft call 'blessings in disguise'. It's all good, in the end at least. And now, it is one of those moments where my gut tells me that the axe is about to be swung in my direction, and all I can do is to armour up for the blow, and to prepare a plan B-- palliative care-- lest I get disemboweled. I know, I know, let's not jump the gun here. But perhaps for just these few seconds, I gotta say: I'm scared. I'm at my wits' end, and all I can do is to have faith. Have faith in You. Much can be criticised about this concept of faith-- of me having one, for that matter-- but whatever this is, be it theological hoax, or pseudo-science, or puny psychological bargain, right now, it's my best bet. Have faith that things are going to be okay. I promise I will try my best to jump over any rational hurdle separating me from it. All I'm praying for is for You to push the storm, should it come soon, to some other time in not so near future, such that when it strikes, I can be the only casualty. If I am to learn something from it, let me learn, but let me learn alone. I know prayers are not a matter of transaction, but I'm just hoping that You see right through all this verbiage. I thank You.

Yours truly

Clueless

Ipso Facto

Last night was Impresario 2011, and it was a real good night for Blast! because top two spots were clinched by the two juniors teams. Awesomepossummax! Can't believe it's been ONLY ONE YEAR since the last time I was in their shoes. It does feel like a life-time ago. And the nostalgia kinda urges me to recap what I have been doing for the past year, and to keep this short and sweet, here are some mementos which happen to be stashed on Facebook.

(The First) 9th Anniversary - Fred's Item

Impresario 2010 (Semi-Finals) - Flickerholic

EMCC 2010 - Fred's Item (pic) and Chii Tarng's Item

Impresario 2010 (Grand-Finals) - Flickerholic

Danz People Recital - Mazlan's & Nash's Item

Aristal 2010 - Co-choreoed with Liyana, Rachel Low & Jacky

Turf Club Show (Jason doesn't look like Jason)

Istana Show

Dance Xplosion 2010 - Seriously

Osaka Escapade - Reiko's Class (I Am Not A Whore)

(Much pangseh-ded) Busking Item (Sorry guys!) - Co-choreoed with Zhiwen

Law Rag 2010 - Co-choreoed with Audrey

16 Crew Challenge

Welcome Tea/Bash Shows - Seriously (Korean)

O School Flash-mob at ION ($400! WAHOOO!)

Jim Beam Hiphop Competition 2010 - Project R

(The Second) 9th Anniversary (Jason, seriously?)

O School Dance Recial 2010 - Jessica's Item

Danzation 2011 - Karen's & Chii Tarng's (& Steffi's & Alex Ow's) Item

Hong Kong Dance Teens Concert - Zaini's Conversations

Mediacorp Show - Back-up for Derrick Hoh

Singapore Dance Delight 2011 - Harlequinn

Shut Up and Dance 2011 - Ahmad's & Weilong's Item (pic) and Karen's, Wei Na's & Claud's Item

Evocation 2011 - Koustav's Item + Aprine (pic) and Magdalene's Item

It has been a great year I must say. If I could do it all over again, I wouldn't miss any of these amazing opportunities. If anything, I would want to be more full out and more invested on those times where I wasn't completely myself. Thank you for those who have been a part of the journey. I'm glad that I could share my passion with you.