Brilliant

I am really grateful that my cousin came for my graduation. She is, other than my own mother, the one person who has pushed me, inspired me and believed in me to be the person that I am today.

Knowing her has opened a lot of doors for me: from teaching me that the tiny rolls that she lits up every now and then are called 'ciggies' and not 'smoke' (my English was adorably bad), to putting up with my ranting on my new-found, non-air-conditioned existence when I first came to Singapore, to furiously correcting my grammar, to training me into being able to spar in harmless, venomous banters a.k.a every dining experience I had with her (the gorging on the food is always as important as the verbal mortal combat), to giving me a place to stay in when I had no place to go and was too young to sign my own contracts, to introducing me to 'character building', to treating me like a grown-up when I couldn't still distinguish my knee from my elbow, to saving my life once when I mindlessly jumped into the adult pool even though I didn't know how to swim (I was six or seven at the time), to taking me to Disneyland for the first time, and to believing that I could be anything and everything that I set my mind to-- and actually meaning it. 

I do believe that once in a while, very rarely, we do meet people by whom we feel helplessly inspired. In her case, her extrovertedness always finds its way to make me come out of my shell a bit more-- actually, a lot more. Without saying a word she can make me speak up a lot more, make me articulate myself better and be mindful about what I think and say. Pacing her in a conversation is always a work-out; one after which I find myself mentally spent but a lesson I wouldn't trade for the world. 

However, this breed of people do not come in abundance. They never do. They come in only for a snippet portion of our lives, and once they have done what the divine has set them out to do, they move on-- perhaps to share their gift with some other people some place else. 

She is going back to Holland next month (after living here for over a decade), and perhaps we may only see each other once in a blue moon thereafter. Nonetheless, I am grateful that she has been a great influence on me growing up, and it felt amazing that she could be there to see me graduating from law school. She herself is a lawyer, and finally, she joked, we are in the same club. It feels really good that I can make her proud. 

Mantra

If the divine, cocked-eyed genius assigned to your case decides to let some sort of wonderment be glimpsed for just one moment through your efforts, then Olè! 

But if not, do your dance anyhow. And Olè! to you nonetheless for just having the sheer human love and stubbornness to keep showing up. 

- E Gilbert 

Price Tag

But writing well isn’t merely a utilitarian skill. It is about developing a rational grace and energy in your conversation with the world around you.

No one has found a way to put a dollar sign on this kind of literacy, and I doubt anyone ever will. But everyone who possesses it — no matter how or when it was acquired — knows that it is a rare and precious inheritance.

- Verlyn Klinkenborg

Wash

Sometimes we know our worries don't matter because these guys are singing somewhere in the world, and making it a better place for us to live in.

Leighton Davis Is My New Superhero

Monster

Beware that when fighting monsters, you yourself do not become a monster; for when you gaze long into the abyss, the abyss gazes also into you.

- F Nietzsche 

Gratitude

A lot has changed in the past few weeks. My life which used to feel like an interminable wait for schooling to end, has passed that threshold finally. Suddenly things feel different, and the changes happen so quickly that I can hardly drink the whole thing in properlyl. Before I know it I have replaced some of the old with the new, obtained purchases I have never made before, and now am carrying a title that neither makes a student nor a working adult. It is simply a transition period, yes, and good God, it feels funny.

Perhaps the idealistic, wide-eyed part of me at times thinks that when major quakes happen in life, something like graduation or getting my own place, there will be some accompanying background music that primes you-- quite rightly-- for the things to come. But no, life has not its own soundtrack. Even when I was perspiring profusely writing in the first thirty minutes of my last few law school exams, there were no trumpets, no horns and no violin to prime me for the immense stress to which I was subjecting myself. The major quakes just happened and poof, when I finally manage to catch myself, everything was over. 

These changes, for the most part, they are good ones. And one thing that I realize is that I do not express gratitude often enough. The feeling dawned on me the first time when I was miles away in Milan, at the Duomo Cathedral, when I looked up at the altar of the church, and then the words came to me, 'Thank you God. This is amazing.' And it was. It had been for quite a while already.

So I took one of the candels, lit it up and put it amongs the many candelabrums at the Cathedral, and I gave thanks to Him. At that moment, in the stillness around me, I caught myself. I thought, 'Well done, Calvin Magnus. You are in a good place.' And at that point I decided to practice living the joy, to be mindful of it, and to express gratitude for it. Apparently, as evidenced by the cumulated receipts within the following 14 days, this made me burn a massive hole in my pocket. 

Things are to change again in the next twelve months. I hope that the next time I catch myself and note of the stillness around me won't be-- like the last time-- only after a long interval has lapsed since Milan. Take time off, and take notice of the (little) wins-- they are there somewhere-- and practice gratitude. Note to self.